I had a life. I know it in my heart. I’ve seen things I’ve never seen before. I heard sounds I can never hear anywhere, like the snow falling, or the waves rushing. But I’ve lived my entire life here in this castle. Never leaving. Never had someone with me. Maybe there was, before, but I could no longer remember them. Maybe they all left me, carrying their memories with them.
Everyday. Here, I walk the wide empty hallways. Looking at portraits whom I can’t remember, waiting for the sun to hit my skin, to feel its warmth. But all that I found was this mist everywhere. It’s devouring the scent of that rose garden I saw beneath one of the windows. And coldness, eating up the colors.
One particular day, as I was waiting for something to happen. I began to search for something I lost years ago. Walking to my room, seeing the hideous-gigantic bed in the middle, a very old armoire from some forgotten century, and shelves upon shelves of books I have found loitering inside the castle.
And as I was shoving up all the painting down my hallway, I saw it. A small window, hidden at the back of my room, tucked in a corner.
“Why haven’t I’ve seen this before?”
Out of necessity, I peered inside and saw it.
A world the same as mine but different. It looks cleaner and brighter. My room is more pretty. The portraits speak of memory, and I could hear sounds coming from that window.
“What sorcery is this?”
As I peered closer into the window, I saw people there laughing. They looked familiar but not. Like a long lost friend, you’ve had in a dream. They were alive there, and they were living, truly living.
I envied them. I envied the way their smiles are easy, their hugs warm, their food delicious. For once, I was longing for something other than the warmth of the sun. So out of curiosity, I stuck my hand through it, but it wouldn’t budge. It feels like there’s a shield in place to stop me from going through.
A bittersweet life it is. So close, but I can only stare. Stare into that perfect world as I lay in my bed inside my ruined castle, filled with nothing but cobwebs waiting for me to vanish alongside them. I lay there watching all day, all night, hungry for life just hoping for a taste of it, please.
Then I saw her. She looks so much like me. Wait. It’s because she is
me. I saw her walking through that hallway.
Then she turned around and saw me. Slowly she lifted a grin.
No, that is not me.
“No, it is you.”
No, it’s me
“Yes, it’s you.”
Then who am I?
“Who are you?”
Why do you get to see the whole world? Why am I stuck looking through this window?
“It is more than a way for you to see.”
But why am I here?
“You’re there because I put you there. Now stay there for eternity. Stay in that mirror, my dear reflection, and haunt me no longer, Mimi.”
No, not me, give me my life back!
But she turned away, never looking back.
I was but a reflection, trapped here. I have watched as she lived my life. Love the people I loved. Grow old like I should’ve had. Not once did she looked back through that window.
Not as she lay there at her bed, alone, gasping for breath. I saw her eventually die withered and afraid.
A mimicry of what my life should have been.
A part of me disappeared with her that day.
That was 246 years ago, and here I stay, in my ruined castle still, peering through that window.
For a time, there would be people who looked back and scared themselves to death but, that was a long time ago.
Now I’m here, where the halls remain silent, where the light, never shining its brightness, where the birds’ song cannot be heard again.
Here I’ll wait till someone peered through my window once again.