After all those times I’ve been chasing after you, all those countless heart-filled letters with only silence, the answer. You finally replied. I can’t tell you how delighted I am to have read it. This is my reply.
As far as I can remember, I have always longed to know you. The first time I met a part of you was in the embrace of my family.
I can hear you from my mother’s lullaby and from my siblings’ laughter, I can see you in my father’s tired eyes and rough hands as well as in the stars that shine above the darkness. And I wondered, do you only appear here?
The moment I turned into a young adult, I got to know another part of you. I met a diverse group of people. They became my friends and the feeling I felt whenever I’m with them is different compared to when I was with my family.
This is it. Love, I was just one more step until I understand you completely. And then, you allowed me to see it. Or rather, you allowed me to meet him. This feeling I never knew, took over me.
I guess this is what they call, on top of cloud nine. Cause it really is. Always looking forward to tomorrow so that I’ll be able to see him, and not wanting to end the day so that I can continue to talk to him. My friends, whose always there for me, and my family continuously supported me. What more could I want?
I went on with the flow, following and satisfying my emotions. Since love is right in front of me, I’ll do anything to keep and protect it. I’ll protect this happiness that I gained. Or so I thought to myself.
Reflecting back on it, I was so naive and foolish. Thinking that this is it, this is me, this is you.
The happiness that I found, quickly left me. The freedom I felt whenever I’m with my friends, entrapped me. Trapped me in the solace of my own thoughts. It was not the freedom I sought, but a cage too full to fit myself in.
And an uninvited guest took away one of the pillars of my home. It shattered the very core of what I believed in. At this point, I ended up at a crossroad, never wanting to go right or left. For all I can do is stare as my whole world unravels in front of my eyes. As I questioned myself, Love, where did you go?
I feel so lost.
In a world where counterfeit love reigns, I thought you were nothing more than a figment of my imagination or a memory of the past long forgotten.
I never understood it at that period of my life. I’ve always believed that your purpose was to give me happiness and fill up my emotions. How self-centered was I?
But amidst all my pain, my anxieties, and my doubts, you wrote to me a letter with my name on it. That was the shortest letter I have ever read in my entire life, but that one sentence alone filled my entire being.
“I have never left you.”
You have never forgotten me. All this time, you’re still here beside me. In moments of heartbreaks and sorrow, in gladness and in celebration. I know now that this is true love.
A love that’s beyond my understanding.
A love who will fill me up even if my friends abandon me or if my family has been called by death.
You have always been patient and kind to me, and never once have you ever lied to me. The one whom I come to know before wasn’t you, but your twin, Counterfeit Love.
But, I will not make the same mistake twice. It was not me who found you, Love. You found me.
Love, besides you, I gained another dear friend, his name is Time. He helped me see to cherish each moment I have in my life. To my surprise, he knows you as well, because of that, I can see you more clearly now. Who you are is what gives me happiness.
Thank you, Love, for giving my life meaning.